The Higher You Go, the Shorter the List

Something I have noticed over the years, and only really understood late.

The higher you go, the shorter the list gets. The list of people you can actually say things to.

Early on there are more of them. A colleague who understood without a long explanation. A boss who had your back. A friend who asked the right question at the right time. You do not even notice the list then, because you were not looking for it.

And then somewhere along the way it thins out. Not all at once. You get senior enough that your problems start feeling like things you were not supposed to have. The team needed you steady. Your peers were running the same race. The people at home have already heard more than their share, and you love them too much to keep adding to it.

So you get good at an edited version. Not lying, nothing like that. Just carefully leaving things out, for everyone, all the time, until leaving things out becomes the only way you know how to be. The calm, kept up for years.

I do not think most people notice how tiring that is until they finally say something to someone and feel how much they had been holding.

That is the part nobody warns you about on the way up.